Wallow But Don't Wallow

I could tell it was coming.  Kind of like the flu, or a cold–you feel it coming on, but sort of rationalize it to yourself until it’s upon you; then there’s just no denying it.
Today was a hard day.  Not because of anything specific, but because of the poetry of life.
Frost had it right: “a poem begins with a lump in the throat; a homesickness or a lovesickness…”
I had an emotional lump in my throat all day.
Because it was raining and 41 degrees outside.
Because Amy flew back to Hawaii and I’m not sure how long it’ll take me to get back there again…with my kids, who ADORE her.
Because Mother’s Day was coming up, and I missed my mom (her hands, her CoffeeMate creamer in the original flavor, her favorite bagel, the way her face smelled after she showered, the way she hugged me…this ellipsis is intentional and necessary today).
Because my favorite class at Troy High is being dissolved in two years, and those kids need a home at school more than they need to fill any kind of “achievement gap”.
Because the owner of my favorite donut shop (Knapp’s in downtown Roch) might be deported.
But such is life.  Que sera sera, right?  Why am I wallowing today?  I’m not a wallower.  I’m an optimist.
But I have compassion fatigue.  I need a wailing wall.  If you have no idea what those things are, then I encourage you to work on your inside more than your outside.
Anyway, the point is, I allowed the wallow to overwhelm me; I had to.  I caved.  I welcomed it as Rumi states in “The Guest House”.
I ate the frosting off of a chocolate cupcake, and then I ate the chocolate cupcake.
I drank a glass of Pinot Noir.
I cried.
I texted Amy.  I called Heather.  I called Matt.
And 30 minutes later…I felt better.
Because these are princess problems.  Because I woke up today.  Because I am a mom  who gets to experience the “breakfast” in bed and macaroni necklaces on Mother’s Day.  Because I have people in my life that grab me, pull me, lift me, wipe my tears, dry me off, shake my dust, and shove me onward.
So onward I march.  Just like you.


1 Comment

  1. Heather
    May 6, 2017 / 3:45 am

    Your words are magic…. thank u for being u:) ❤️ & write a book woman!

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